


Berries

by MagnetoTheMagnificent



Series: Summer Omens [4]
Category: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Dramatic Crowley (Good Omens), Dyslexic Crowley (Good Omens), Humor, Other, Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), South Downs Cottage (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:01:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25603984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagnetoTheMagnificent/pseuds/MagnetoTheMagnificent
Summary: A short, funny story written for @thetunewillcome 's Summer Omens prompts.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Summer Omens [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1845238
Kudos: 41





	Berries

Aziraphale was sat in his cozy armchair. Next to him, on a geometric coffee table, was steaming hot cocoa in his favourite mug. It was peaceful, and if he were human, he may well have dozed off. Of course, he wasn't human, and he could remain reading his book for hours, which is what he probably would have done had he not been interrupted by a loud, frantic scream of "ANGEL!!!!"

Aziraphale dropped his book and hurried to the office, where the sound was coming from. Thoughts of all the horrible things that could have caused his partner to shout raced through his mind. He threw open the office door with all his angelic might, ready to face whatever was harming his beloved.  
He found Crowley pacing angrily around the room, a look of anguish on his sharp face. On the floor was his portable Tape-Player, which he used to listen to audiobooks with. 

"Crowley! What happened?!" Aziraphale asked anxiously, inspecting him for any injuries. 

" **That** happened!" Crowley cried, pointing accusingly at the device on the floor. 

Alarm bells rang in the angel's head. Demons were known to travel through electronic devices. Could they have hurt Crowley that way?

"Oh dear. Please tell me it wasn't Hell again, I couldn't bear-"

"Berries!" Crowley exclaimed drastically.

"B-berries, dear?" Aziraphale repeated, perplexed. 

"I started listening to that new book you got me," Crowley began explaining breathlessly.

"The one about the ducks?"

"No, the other one"

"Strange Botany?"

"Thas the one. See, I started listen', an' it was pretty boring at first, almost fell asleep, until-" he gritted his teeth, as if re-living a painful memory.

"Until what, love?"

"Until the bananas," the demon said softly, with all the horror of one retelling a ghost story.

Aziraphale scanned his partner's face, trying to recall what he had read about signs of traumatic brain injury.

"Crowley, dear, I'm afraid you're not quite making sense. Why don't we sit down-"

"Bananas are berries! They grow the same way as berries! Berries! And raspberries and blackberries and strawberries aren't berries, even though they're called berries!" Crowley said madly, gripping the angel with a crazed look in his serpentine eyes. 

"Dear? Are you trying to say that bananas are berries? And that the fruit that have berries in the name _aren't_ berries? Crowley, I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist you lie down. Did you ingest anything that may have been poisoned?" Aziraphale asked gently, now a little more than concerned for the demon's sanity. 

At that, Crowley paused, suddenly looking insulted.

"M not crazy, Aziraphale," he told him firmly with a hurt look on his face, "hear for yourself."

He handed the angel his headphones, which were connected to the Tape-Player.

Gingerly, Aziraphale fit the headphones over his ears while Crowley flipped to the correct spot. 

Crowley watched triumphantly as Aziraphale's expression changed to a look of utter confusion and disgust. 

"This is preposterous!" he exclaimed indignantly, throwing off the headphones.

"I know!"

"Bananas grow on trees, and- and berries grow in bushes," he continued, joining his partner in the outrage. 

"I know!" 

"It's completely ridiculous."

"Batshit"

"Quite entirely nonsensical"

"A few screws loose" Crowley giggled. 

"You know what it is?" Aziraphale asked with a mischievous glimmer in his eye.

"What?"

The angel smirked before blurting out, "it's bananas!"

And then both he and Crowley erupted into a fit of laughter.


End file.
